Journal Entry #1 August 2017
The beginning of the school year is my new New Years! I’m nesting like a crazy women. I’ve even got my crazy game face on. Ha! It may have even gotten so bad that my husband wondered if I was pregnant (I’m not.)  And by “nesting”, I mean organizing, cleaning out closets, etc. I even went through old artwork and pictures to make room for this year’s artwork and pictures. I wish I could say this was a special moment for me- you know, looking all serene and feeling nostalgic as I flip through the pictures in the attic (all movie like). And yes, some of the time it was, until I got to a specific class picture. My son looked like he just got out of bed. I’m not kidding. His hair is standing up in opposite directions, and he’s wearing a hand-me-down cartoon t-shirt with a completely stretched out neck. Meanwhile, the other boys are wearing collared shirts and have perfectly coifed hair. I already felt a tightness in my chest thinking about how much time has gone by, and this picture pretty much put me over the edge. What if this is proof that I really did fail as a mom during that rough patch I went through? I knew my head could start spinning like nobodies business, so I marched downstairs for reinforcements. Sane reinforcements, otherwise known as my husband. I told him about the picture, the outfit, and the hair. His response? A plain and simple, “None of that matters. They felt loved by you. That’s what matters”. And like the good, self-doubter I am, I replied, “Ok… they felt loved, right?” I had a really hard time as a young, new mom with two boys 17 months apart (I lovingly refer to it as my “deep dark hole”), so I needed him to say it again. He said, “There is no doubt in my mind that they felt loved by you 100% of the time.” Well, phew! That’s good because I love them, with every ounce of my entire being, 100% of the time.
I think this post is WONDERFUL!! Especially since I forgot my daughter’s snack for school this morning, and two days ago my husband politely informed me that he realized my other daughter’s uniform had her breakfast all over it when he took her out of her car seat…whoops!!! I love your realness…we all have these mother moments!! I think it’s part of being a mother!! You are a GREAT mother simply because you care so much about doing your best! If your boys are smiling, happy, and LOVED, that is the MOST important! They don’t truly care about their hair or their t-shirt on picture day! Only we do! Enjoy your weekend!!!
YESSSSSS!!! Thank you, Anne! You hit the nail on the head!
I just finished a great book, Daring Greatly by Dr Brene Brown. There were so many great takeaways but a specific one related to your picture concern is to show your kids how happy you are to see them instead of constantly nagging about fix your hair, don’t wear that, etc… My daughters hair looked awful in her school pic last year and I feel like it’s a bad respresention on me as a mom. But I’m not going to let what other people think bother me. I did the best I could that morning, making sure kids got to school on time that morning when my husband was traveling. I am doing a great job parenting and I don’t need to let that messy hair picture get me down. You had a quote from her on your blog once about how comparing stifles creativity. Well, I think the same is true on feeling bad about our parenting styles based on comparing our kids to others. We all need to rise above it and focus on what matters most. Well said Carly!
Yes, exactly! I love Daring Greatly! I can’t wait to read her new book!
Couldn’t love this more, Carly! What a wonderful mom you are to let them be independent, allowing them to lead with the little personalities they are defining. I find so much inspiration in this. Yes, they know you love them because you let them BE them! 💚
Megan! I love your comment! It’s so encouraging! Thank you!
As your mother-in-law and an early childhood educator, I have to say you a WONDERFUL mother! You are so attentive to the important things in life – your children’s emotional well being! To heck with collared shirts or combed hair! You have done a marvelous job talking to your two very different, very precious boys about how to get along with each other. You have helped them learn to talk things out, express their feelings and given them lifelong tools for resolving conflicts. And letting them choose their clothes is the best thing ever!!
When we take care of values on the inside, what’s on the outside will take care of itself.
That’s my two cents!
Thank you, Gigi!
I personally love “real life” school photos. I try to tame my inner crazy mama and just let my kids choose because I want to preserve what they were REALLY like at that age and stage. 😉(Or at least that’s how I rationalize my children looking unkept in every photo-ha!)
That’s a great way to look at it! Thank you!
I don’t see that school picture as a sign of you being a negligent mom. I think it’s a sign of you being a real mom, and I would have laughed so hard I cried at seeing that pic again! It’s awesome! In one camp pic my son (5 at the time) was wearing a spider man mask while everyone else obvs wasn’t. He has snuck it on right before the photog took the pic. It has always been my most favorite group picture of him!!! There’s no shame in my mom game! Ha!
In life you have to laugh at yourself- because you’ll cry your eyes out if you don’t!
I love your perspective!
I have a 2 year old and almost 1 year old (both boys) 18 months apart and can totally relate to all of this post! I’ve been seeing the first glimmers of hope of them playing together and liking each other the past couple weeks but it is so HARD on the day to day. It takes 100% from both me and my husband and man are we tired. I took some time off from working this summer and it was most definitely harder than work to stay home. I definitely had some “dark hole” kinda days staying at home – enough to realize i do I fact need to work. We sure do love these little dudes though 🙂 does it ever get easier? Haha
It does get easier, but those first years were so so hard! I remember a friend told me it would get a ton easier when my youngest was one. Things didn’t get easier for me until my youngest was five. Ha! Now they are the best of friends!
You poor dear! Everyone one of us trying to raise great people while having an otherwise not always idyllic childhood, wrestles with the same demons! Thank you for putting this out there, and for trying to break the cycle! I would love to have you for a neighbor! You’re darling!
Thank you, Carrie! I’m forever trying to break that cycle!
Carly, I too am a self doubter and had a “deep dark hole” time in young motherhood. I love what your husband said . So true. I wish I had a picture of the day my then preschool age son dressed himself in madras plaid shorts and a wide kelly green and white stripe t-shirt. I knew if was pretty funny, but I figured he wasn’t hurting anyone and “matched” most of the time anyway. He’s 13 now and his dressing abilities are no worse for the wear.
Marianne, Thank you for your comment! It’s nice to know I’m not alone! And you are so right. His madras plaid shorts and a wide kelly green and white stripe t-shirt outfit actually sounds pretty cute! Thanks again.