Happy New Year! I hope you all enjoyed the break as much as I did! We stayed at home for Christmas and then went to our place in the country. It was perrrrfect. (My dad says our generation uses the word “perfect” too much, which made me laugh. Just wait, you’ll hear it all the time now- ha!)
I’m so excited about 2019, I can hardly stand it! The first thing that comes to mind when I think about 2019 is the word fearless. Oh yikes, that sounds so cheesy. Isn’t that the name of a country song? Maybe I should change it to less fear in 2019? That sounds way more attainable anyway -ha! I’m going to feel the fear and do it anyway! It reminds me of this hilarious quote by Iyanla Vanzant. She says, “If you don’t have little bit of pee rolling down your leg, then you’re not living big enough.” (You guys have to watch the full clip (here). It’s hilarious! She’s not being literal… It’s obviously metaphorical!)
When I started blogging almost 6 years ago, I posted whatever came to me. It was exciting and exhilarating, and I was clueless about what would be successful, get the most likes or get a mean comment. I was just doing my thing. Well, I’m going back to that fearless state of mind (although, at the time, I was just oblivious -ha!)!
Don’t get me wrong, this is not just the flip of a switch for me. It’s been a long time coming. I’ve been working on this for years, and it’s still a work in progress. First, there were the years of learning and realizing that I was ruled by what people thought of me (True story: My whole day was ruined once because I thought the CVS checker didn’t like me.). Then there were the years of working hard and understanding that I had a people pleasing problem. There was lots of talking to my counselor, husband and friends and lots of reading. In fact, I remember this time last year, I said that my hope for myself was that I would get to a point in my life where I would not care what people thought of me.
During these years, I would talk to my husband about the CVS checker, the lack of “likes” on a picture, how many followers I had, a nasty comment, how much another blogger was doing vs. how little I was doing, etc. My husband kept telling me, “Your identity is in Him, not in any of this.” I thought, “What in the world is he talking about?!?” Now I get it. I was on a journey of finding myself in God and understanding God’s unconditional love for me.
I didn’t have to hustle for His likes, or prove myself to Him because he made me just the way I am. He created me, so obviously he likes His creation!!! I had to let that sink in for a long time, and every time I started my hustling, I’d check myself. I had to learn that I didn’t need to search for my worth and identity in my clothes, kids, house, things, looks, life, feelings and, most of all, what other people thought of me.
Now that I know my identity is in HIS love for me, I can live with less fear, and I can’t wait! This may mean I do posts on a more sporadic schedule, and it may mean that I share fun stuff that’s inspiring me, like an easy weeknight recipe, or my new bunkbed room in our country place. Isn’t this exciting?! It excites me! Since it will be a bit more sporadic, be sure to subscribe here on the blog and follow along on Instagram.
And now for my disclaimer: While I was writing this post, I randomly started looking at someone’s blog who writes a post every day, and then it started… “How does she do that?” “Why can’t I do that?” “Why am I not more motivated?” I’m certainly not immune from the comparison game or living scared, but now I can see it and that’s half the battle, right? As Bob Goff says, “Tend to your own fire.” I’m going to keep my head down and do my thing. I don’t know where that leads, but I can’t wait to get started!
Happy 2019!!! It’s going to be an exciting year! Thanks for following along!
