Welcome to the new C. Style! I’m excited to be back with a new look. For a long time, I felt the blog and its corresponding social medias were no longer congruent with me and my style. So I did a little reflecting during my break, and I thought I’d share a little bit about what I realized.
When I first started C. Style, I started it as an outlet for myself as a stay-at-home mom. To be honest, looking back, I was probably doing it more to prove to myself that I was still good at something or still somebody! You see, all my life I’ve defined myself by what I did and how well I did it. I’m a honor student. I’m a high performing Pharmaceutical Rep. I’m a well liked, friendly person. I’m a stay-at-home mom. That’s how I would define myself. Unfortunately as a stay-at-home mom, I felt like I was completely failing (even though, looking back, I wasn’t) and therefore failing as a person. Remember, my identity was in what I did and how well I did it. So I started a blog and business about clothes to have an identity that I could be a successful at and that would make me feel good. Well, that worked for awhile, and it was great, until it wasn’t.
All of a sudden, I couldn’t define myself as a successful mom, successful stylist, or successful fashion blogger because, inevitably, I was going to make mistakes and couldn’t control everything! I couldn’t control how my boys behaved (yes, I can parent, but when your baby is screaming in Target, you can’t control it). I couldn’t control how things on the blog were being perceived. I couldn’t keep up with my styling schedule and would inevitably disappoint people! I then realized that I couldn’t please everyone, which was tragic! Why tragic? Because who I was was at the mercy of how my boys behaved, if people were happy with me, and if people received things the way I meant them. My head started spinning! Did I say that right? Did I do this right? Did I handle this right? I became so confused! Why was I so obsessed with being in control? Why did I have a need to be perfect and liked?
After some soul searching, I figured out why. All of these identities I tried to give myself to be somebody had failed. I actually didn’t really know who I was. This sent me down the long road of grappling with the effects of being raised by an alcoholic mom and figuring out who I really was vs. the titles/ name(s)/identities I had assumed. It was dark, and I struggled with depression. I dug deep in my faith and sought help. It was so painful that I couldn’t share it on here. So, in the meantime, I stopped sharing about myself because well, I didn’t know who I was -ha! I defaulted to clothing posts. It was safe, and I enjoyed it!
Well, I’ve come a long way, and I’m only at the start. I won’t call it a journey because then we will all gag (if you haven’t already -ha)! Now I feel more comfortable sharing. I’m not sharing all of this to be a downer, but so you all know where I’m coming from. I’m learning to stop grabbing for titles to define me or letting how well I do something define me. I’m giving up my hustling ways to be somebody. I am just going to be OK with being me. And part of me is doing something well, but I won’t be defined by it. No title, just me. That’s why I took a break and revamped the blog. It needed to represent the real me. This is the starting line to my new way, and I’m so happy to have you all, my friends, with me. I have always felt the love from you, even when I would share just a bit, you all would give me big hugs back. I think you guys loved me and my imperfections even when I couldn’t receive it (oh my gosh, I have tears in my eyes writing this). Anyway, thank you for being such a loving group of people who share in life’s messiness with me. I’m so grateful for each of you.
I’ve updated my BIO and FAQ’s! Be sure to check those out, too!
Outfit Links: Sunglasses- Celine, Blazer- Topshop (similar here), Chambray Shirt- J. Crew, Necklace- Dana Rebecca Designs, Lipstick- Dragon Girl by NARS
A few (or not) books I read to help me give up the hustle: Gifts of Imperfection, Rising Strong, Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist, Abba’s Child by Brennan Manning, The Rest of the Gospel by Dan Stone, and Fearless by Max Lucado
This rings true on so many levels. Your courage to do the work is inspiring. I am lost in the struggle with life’s perfections–which as you know is exactly that–a struggle. Thank you for this post and every post. You are a gift- stylistically and spiritually. Thank you for your courage to share.
It is a struggle. We will courageously struggle together, because it is courageous to struggle. Thank you for your comment.
You and I are so much alike! I wish we could meet one day. I share the exact same pet peeve as you and my Mom is a recovering alcoholic as well, but thankfully she survived and is still with us today. If you ever come back to the Big Easy I wish you’d let me know! Would love to meet for coffee!! I’m a stay at home Mom who’s still trying to figure out what she wants to be when she grows up!!
I would love to meet anyone with whom I share so much in common! I can’t believe we have the same pet peeve! I thought I was the only one with this pet peeve! Ha!
Wow. What a beautifully candid post. Hi, I’m Christina and I too am broken. 😉 There are many of us out here and we are rooting for you. Looking forward to seeing more of you. Whomever that may be. God bless.
Christina in Oregon
I’m rooting for you, too! Us broken people have to stick together! Thank you for your sweet comment.
Congratulations on giving up the hustle! I think it’ll suit you! Thanks for sharing this…
~Jenny
Thank you!
Honest, raw, brave and beautiful! You are becoming the woman God has always intended you to be. Keep up all the hard work you have put into yourself and trust in His plan.
Thank you, Amy.
I love you. And I love that you are constantly striving to be the most authentic version of yourself. Can’t wait to see you soon and give you a big ol’ hug. And that new profile picture? Stunning AND fun! That’s a hard combo to pull off!!!! xoxo
I can’t wait for my big ol’ hug! I miss you, friend!
THANK YOU FOR SHARING! I think we all struggle in this life yet our “media” lives make it look as if we don’t. I’m so proud of you for getting the help you need. I struggle as well in doing life “perfectly” and am on that path of change as well. Thankfully our wonderful Lord knew this all along and is just waiting for us to accept ourselves as he made us and be all that we can be in Him. Hugs to you!!
Yes, exactly! I love your comment! Thank you!
thank you, carly for being honest and transparent. you (and your words!) are a gift!
Thank you, Katie!
Love you and how you share yourself with us!!! Proud to be your friend.
I’m proud to be your friend!
Love the sincerity and “realness” of your message. I have also fallen into defining myself with external labels that are situational, when really I am a child of God saved by grace. Thank goodness for his unconditional love for me that I can’t undo! Lots of love from a long lost childhood friend 🙂
Monica!! Hi! It’s so good to hear from you! I love your comment. Situational, conditional love is for the birds! I’m so grateful to be learning slowly what God’s unconditional love REALLY looks like.
Maybe my favorite blog post ever. Hi Carly, nice to meet the real you! You are fantastic – and relatable. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. Can’t wait to see how the blog reflects this!
WOW! What a compliment! Thank you!
Thanks for sharing! Love you!
Thank you for being a friend that doesn’t look at me like I have four eyes when I tell you my struggles! I love you!
Carly, I love this! I really appreciate you sharing your journey as I am a recovering perfectionist also. I love the quote by Ann Voskamp: “Perfectionism is slow death by self. It will kill your skill. Your spark. Your art. Your soul.”
Perfectionism sure was killing me, literally. Lots of emotional stress and a severe eating disorder caused a nasty health crash 4 years ago…at age 32 with kids underfoot. It was the hardest but best thing I could have gone though. God was graciously forcing me to push the reset button on my life.
Now I am trying to kill the perfectionism rather than let it kill me, yet even after I have slayed that nasty beast, it seems to pop up somewhere else and I have to choose again: kill it or let it kill me? It is hard but I am encouraged because it’s popping up less often and I’m getting better and spotting it and choosing life.
How awesome that our worth as children of God is not related to our performance – in anything! Keep on living out that truth and ignore any critics!
Sending you love and an online hug!
P.S. also loved your 31 facts – many made me laugh out loud!
I love that quote! Thank you for sharing! When I realized my performance didn’t really matter because I was deeply loved no matter what, it was life altering. I’m still owning that part daily… hourly. Ha!
I loved your post and bravery in writing it. I too struggled with being a stay at home mom and ran back to the past, the things I was good at before, to feel validated and successful. I sure was surprised when those things left me empty too! I was simply running myself ragged. In the midst of all of this, God in His perfect way, started me down a difficult path of knowing Him through deeper intimacy with His son which sounds similar to what you described. My greatest insight from this process so far has been to relinquish control of outcomes or how I think things should go. Meaning if I do “X” and I do it well then “Y” should happen. Over time realized I was powerless concerning my career, children, husband, etc, but I believe deeply that God is in control therefore my lack of faith in His sovereignty led to a feeling of insanity and unhappiness. My life on the outside looks the same. I still work hard at everything I do, but there is so much freedom in turning over the outcomes to God. Relinquishing my children to God is perhaps honestly the hardest, but I am still working on it and find myself letting them be their imperfect selves is much easier. Best of luck to you on your new blog.
I relate to everything you said. I feel like I am in the midst of this exact process. I have been an “x to get y person” for so long. I have realized (with surprise) my lack of faith in His sovereignty. Your words spoke to me. Thank you.
This is awesome! I love being real, and I much prefer real people than those who only show the curated version of themselves. Looking forward to the new blog!
You and me both!
Well said!!! Excited for the new updates, and so glad you’re back. 🙂
I’m so glad to be back! Thank you for reading!
Love this! Can’t wait to see your new posts and direction for the blog.
Thank you!
Brave and beautiful. Thank you. ❤
Thank you for your comment!
Its so hard to be open about what we are all going through in life. We have the same struggles, it wasnt until I was in my 40’s that I went to alanon. It was hard at first, I too felt it was a cult, but when I finally gave it a chance it changed my life! Its the best therapy I have ever done! Wishing hope and healing!
I went to Alateen and I now enjoy the benefits of Alanon, as well. I’m not sure where I’d be without the strength and hope of others.
I love this so much…thank you for being so brave! I have read your blog for years and have enjoyed the fashion help for sure, but often thought to myself “there’s more there to her than meets the eye”. You’ve given a few hints along the way and looking back, I can see hints of this journey. (I won’t gag at that word!) I feel like I am in a similar place right now…I went from working full time, to part time, to being a SAHM, and now that my kids are getting older, I have struggled with “WHO AM I???”. I also have childhood trauma (although I’m only recently at the age of 43 able to call it trauma) and am dealing with that in therapy for the first time. It’s hard work and I’m trying to give myself grace. Ultimately, I want to glorify the Lord with my life and make the most of the little time I’m here in this world. I am working on letting go of all of those perfection expectations and LIVING. I’m looking forward to your “new” blog. But please don’t leave us in a lurch without any style advice! 🙂
Ha! I promise I won’t leave you in a lurch without style advice. It’s engrained in me. This is funny, because I remember the first time someone called it “childhood trauma.” I thought, “trauma?, no, I didn’t experience a trauma!” Oh but I did, and then the journey began. I’m glad to know I’m not alone.
Carly, you are one of my favorite blogs to read, and this makes me love C Style even more. No matter what you’ve posted, it has always felt genuine and authentic, and I think your personality comes through regardless. Excited to see the new directions your blog will take, and love the new About Me page!
Thank you for such a wonderfully positive and happy comment! Thank you!
Wow! This post pinches the heart! Your authenticity and “realness” make you one of my favorite bloggers out there!! To me, it’s your willingness to share your imperfections that makes you such a beautiful person!
I, too, have an alcoholic mother. She no longer drinks, but the addiction plays itself out over and over and over again in her life (and in mine). The loss of not really having a mother and the awkwardness at times of trying to be the mother you wish you had and then constantly fearing…”Oh no…am I my mother? Am I available enough to my children? Am I doing my best? Should I be doing more? How much is enough? How much is too much?” The struggle is real, as they say!
Anyhow, I just wanted to drop a note to say I appreciated your words so much!! I love your style and I look forward to reading your posts!! Thank you for just being you and putting yourself out there! It validates all of us other mothers who struggle right beside you!
Anne, I have felt all of these exact feelings- the loss, the awkwardness, the self-doubt, the struggle. I’m so grateful I’m not alone. Thank you for your comment.
As a new mom who is struggling with what that means about my identity, I really appreciate your honesty. I’m adding these books to my Amazon wish list now!
Thank you for listening! Oh, and when I was a brand new mom I found a lot of solace in “Calm My Anxious Heart” by Linda Dillow. You are not alone. Thank you for your comment.
I love this! We’ve never met (we have some friends in common, though…hope that doesn’t make me sound too creepy 🙂 ). You’ve said so many things that I often think and am just now being brave enough to say. Go you! Can’t wait to see what you post next!
Ha! It doesn’t make you sound creepy, it makes you sound like an instant friend! If there is one thing I learned from putting this post out there, is that it feels so good to say the things you think (even if you think people are going to think you’re crazy), because you realize you’re sooo not alone! Go you!
Without “the hustle” you might not have evolved into who you are turning into–it was a necessary path for the time being. Kudos for identifying the real you and for sharing your message. Others may realize his or her own hustle and make changes for the better because of this post. As always Carly, you are beautiful on the inside and out…
Thank you for being an authentic, real friend. No airs, just JT.
Carly, you are so precious and I can not tell you how timely your post is for me. God is so good, and I am thankful for your honesty and real-ness (if that’s a word!).
It’s a word if you ask me! HA! That’s coming from the girl who refers to every top as flow-y. Ha! I’m pretty sure that is not a word! I’m glad this post reached you in God’s perfect time. God gave you such a wonderful gift of design.
I have always loved your blogs. Every once in a while you allowed us into you life in bits and pieces. But with this entry, you have welcomed us in which is a priviledge. Thank you for sharing who you are with us. I think the mass majority of us feel the same way, so you are not alone. Looking forward to more of your blogs….from the real Carly.
I love your comment, because I love to think of this as a “welcome entry.” I wish I could rename this post! It makes me want to rename this post! I’m grateful to not be alone.
I so admire your honesty. And it solidifies why I read your blog. Thank you.
Thank you for reading!
I identify with SO MUCH of this! And the deep feelings that come with being the adult child of an alcoholic. How brave of you to share your feelings and “stuff” on your blog! I’ve never met you- but love the honesty!
You are right, they are such “deep feelings.” It feels good to get (some) of them out. It’s good to know I’m not alone.
Wow – what courage to share your deep soul! I can relate on EVERY level of what you shared! Come from an alcoholic family – had alot of painful things happen when I was growing up…..and strive WAY too much to please others! I love The Lord, and ultimately – only through His Healing have I had the courage to be real about who I am! Your words made me love you even more!
I have been so amazed by His healing abilities. There were times I didn’t think it was possible. This painful things that happened can take a strong hold. Your words are an encouragement. Thank you.
Love you and love this post! Thankful that you take the time to stop, take a deep breath, and take a look at what’s going on in your heart. So much wisdom… please keep sharing and teaching us!
Thank you my very wise friend. I’m thankful for you and your wisdom!
Love that you love Glennon. She is awesome, and so are you, and so am I 🙃. We’re all broken, we just need to keep showing up for each other. Welcome back!
I love Glennon! She showed up BIG and I’m so grateful! Thank you!
Love your blog & honesty. Thanks for keeping it real. I can relate to many of the things you wrote about. Virtual (hugs)!
BIG HUG BACK!
Thank you for your openness and honesty. I think we as women can relate to you on some level. As I pondered what to set for my New Years Resolutions, the word JOY kept coming to my mind. I feel like I have focused on being happy, but not really finding joy. I have challenged myself to find Joy in the Journey. Happiness is a more temporary feeling, but Joy is spiritual and eternal, and that’s the feeling in want. I hope you find JOY in your journey. Not all days are happy and ideal, but may you find a bit of lasting joy.
Funny you write this, because I was thinking about the word happy the other day. Sometimes I shame myself for not being happy at any given moment, because afterall, look at how blessed I am?!? But happy feels artificial and circumstantial in a way. I too, realized I want to be joyful instead. Thanks for your comment!
Glad to hear you’re doing well! We don’t know each other in real life, but I just want to support you in your new way of living and thinking.
Thank you Gwen!
I knew you must be special, since my smart son picked you for his life partner, but have come to see what a treasure you are to our family. You are strong and beautiful, inside and out, and I thank you for blessing me and my life everyday! You are amazing… but don’t leave your fashion/style-challenged mother-in-law in the lurch. I do need your help!
Love you to pieces!!
I’m so grateful to have you as my mother-in-law! You love unconditionally, Alice. It’s such a gift. I love you!
Just wanted to thank you for being vulnerable and brave enough to put this ut there. I think sometimes we forget that everyone has their own struggles. Thanks for sharing yours!
xoxo
Beth
I so agree. Thanks for your comment.
Loved this post and so appreciate your raw honesty! So happy for you! Can’t wait to continue reading!!
Thank you, friend.
This. This is the positive side of social media. You have been one of my favorite fashion bloggers and honestly, this post is no surprise. You have always somehow imparted this depth on your blog without even trying. But it’s wonderful seeing you so willing to share ~ being brave rocks! I’m probably old enough to be your mom {but let’s just say older sister!} and your wisdom blows me away. I could actually see you becoming a speaker at women’s retreats on this topic. There seems to be so much pressure on women {real or self-imposed} and social media has really ramped that up. It’s so wise and healthy {and sanity-saving} to get off that ride. This topic, your experiences and willingness to share are truly a ministry.
Phyllis, You and your comments have always been such a gift to me. Thank you for taking the time to encourage me with your comments and for being a loyal reader. There is sooo much pressure! I am so grateful to have a glimpse of a new way. Btw, I was at a women’s retreat this weekend! Ha!
I loved reading your beautiful and brave words lovely lady – and all the amazing and touching comments, this is so much more than clothes. You see – we need you!
Thank you my friend. I agree, the comments are so touching. I have been in tears over them a number of times. I’m so grateful for good people and good friends -like you.
Very inspiring!!
Thank you!
Carly- I so enjoy your posts. All of them. I could always see that you were always looking to find the beauty in things and that made me appreciate you all the more. I identify so much with your writing on perfectionism, and the struggle to “get it right,” whatever that nebulous thing is. You are a gift from God to your readers. We SAHMs have a lot more to deal with than mothers did even 20 years ago. And I love that you are giving yourself the grace to figure it out. I am going to pick up some of your book suggestions- thank you for those. Have you ever listened to Joyce Meyer? If not, you can download some of her TV audio podcasts. I really like her and I think that you might, too. Cheers to this year where you will blossom!
I have read Joyce Meyer and really but I didn’t know she had a podcast! I love podcasts and now I have a new one to listen to! Thank you!
Carly – Loved reading every word of this post and so glad you are back blogging! Thank you for your honesty, transparency and authenticity. So many of us get caught up in the hustle (like me!) and it’s easy to forget who we are, what makes us tick, and what we have to offer. You inspire me to be more reflective in 2017, embrace life’s messiness, and kick the hustle to the curb! Thanks for being you!
Hi Friend! It has felt so good to share my story. I’m ready to share in life’s messiness with you! Here’s to 2017! We are coming for ya!
I really enjoyed your post and I saw a lot of me in there. If you continue to be true to yourself I think you’ll be just fine. Sometimes just putting it out there helps to release the stress you feel. The struggle is real!
Yes, you are so right. Sharing my story has lightened my heart tremendously! Thanks for your comment!
Stop over thinking it. We, your followers, love your style and the honesty. I love that’s you shared this struggle too. We love the glam and the humor. I loved the idea you gave for the Christmas getaway with your hubby. I’d never heard of that place! And the restaurants you try. We are Mom’s that are trying to do it all and look cute and feel hip. Im sure it’s hard to come up with new ideas for your blog. I’m not creative so I can only imagine. This should be fun for you – not a stressful obligation. I’ve run in to you at Nordstrom and you are so sweet and cool. Keep being you and just share whatever/whenever. Trust me it’s helpful and fun to us!!!
Guilty as charged, I totally over think things! Ha! I’m getting back to the fun! Thanks for your comment and for reading along!
Well sweetheart, this is where I wanted to post but I had issues getting here lol. So I’ll post in two places! I am so very proud of you! I love you!
I love you too.
Just wanted to tell you how so many of us feel the same way you do. Trying to find ourselves after giving up careers (maybe just pausing for a while) and staying at home. I look forward to your posts as I read them all the way from India! BTW I cried when I read your mother in law’s comment. You are one lucky lady and a special person.
I cried, too! I am one lucky lady.
I love reading this, Carly! I feel so many of us are in the same boat at this point in our lives, all for different reasons as we have different backgrounds that helped us developing the coping mechanisms that we did. Thank you for being brave, it helps all of us define ourselves just as you are doing, and lends us a bit of bravery as well. I love the blog, and look forward to you sharing more with us. Thanks for all you do, you are a highlight in my inbox and in my life!
I thought those who didn’t have my similar background would probably not relate to this post. But because of comments like yours, I’ve been encouraged to know I’m not alone. Thank you for helping me realize that we all have our different reasons. It’s an honor to be a highlight in your inbox and life!
Well said, can’t wait to follow along.
Thank you.
Carly your blog and photos are amazing! you’re a truly inspiration when comes to fashion and style. You seem so happy 🙂 Congrats on your success!
Thank you! I am so grateful to feel happy!
Bravo, Carly!! Bravo! Life’s a dance we learn as we go! Keep Dancing!! XO
Staci, Wanna dance? Ha! Just kidding! Good to hear from you. I hope you are doing well!
Oh boy…I panicked thinking the ONLY fashion blogger I read was hanging up her heels and moving on! WHEW. You took time to EVOLVE and give yourself some self-love and I’m so happy for you!
I am a recovering alcoholic and stay-at-home mother of three…my children were 1,2 and 4 when I got sober 5 years ago. I’m also a child of an alcoholic. I am so grateful I am in recovery and my children wont have to recover from their childhood like you and I (and our sisters).
So keep doing what you’re doing one day at a time! Have you ever tried Mindful Meditation? It’s life. changing.
Your comment brought tears to my eyes. I am so grateful for your brave soul. That you too, took the time to EVOLVE and to break the cycle. I will always be breaking the cycle one day at a time. Thank you for the encouragement. I always need it. I meditate every morning, but I’m going to check out “Mindful Meditation!” Thanks again.
Hi Carly! I rarely, if ever, comment on blogs. But I have to say that I love this post and your honesty. I jumped over and read your BIO and facts about you…and you crack me up. We share many things in common…as I’m sure most of your followers do. Good luck to you on your non-journey (ha) and I will continue to read. You’ve never let me down…the only thing I’m let down by is that I just CANNOT pull off the high top black sneaker. I bought ’em, I tried…but felt that I was trying too hard so returned them. HAHA! I’m so glad you’re back…I’ve missed you!
Stacy, It’s so great to be back. I think I’m going to start referring to my journey as “my non-journey” -ha! I love it! Thank you for your comment! I’ll be thinking of a good high top black sneaker alternative for you.